Couples Counselling

It is common for most therapists and counsellors to refer to couples therapy as marriage counselling, couples counselling or relationship coaching. These common terms may imply that the therapist possesses all the knowledge about what every couple should do and that your therapist will be able to impart sagely wisdom that, by following, marital or relationship difficulties can be trained away. The idea may seem alluring at first, but a happy marriage formula, applicable to all and globally effective, cannot simply be applied as a cure all or panacea. In essence, couples therapy is simply a more complex form of individual insight therapy.

No two people are the same, so you can see why the likelihood of two relationships or two marriages being alike is even less feasible. There are no hard and fast rules or formulas that can be applied to every relationship with any reliable expectation of enhancement, so an understanding of what you may or may not expect from your chosen couples therapist, couples counsellor or marriage counsellor can go a long way towards nurturing an effective engagement in the therapeutic process.

Just as no two relationships are ever the same, no two therapists are ever the same either, so it’s really important to find a therapist that you both feel comfortable to work with.

I do not take sides in marital conflicts. I do not break the confidence entrusted to me by you during an individual session when facilitating your couples therapy. I do not teach you what you should do and I do not consider my self to be an expert in all the nuances of every cultures view of marriage.

I take an intersubjective approach to couples therapy, firmly believing that every couple’s particular dynamic is the result of an inter-mingling of each partner’s unique subjective selves, coming together to form an equally unique, although more complex, composite. Relational blends may vary in the degree and intensity that each partner feels the influences of the other, but it always take two to tango.

My role as couples therapist is to facilitate discussions about individual differences and their impacts on the couple and each individual, generally focusing on your specific areas of concern, paying attention to your particular relational goals, in an open and honest exchange of viewpoints, feelings, troubles and triumphs.

My work as a couples therapist is not exclusively directed to relational repair, although this is certainly both the desire and outcome of the vast majority of my couples therapy clients. Unfortunately, from time to time, even incredibly well intended couples find themselves with no other option than to dissolve their relationship. This is never a suggestion made to them, but a realization arrived at only through assessing every possible alternative and after having worked extremely hard at a harmonious solution.

Sometimes, mediating the healthiest relationship breakup possible can be critical, even when no children are involved, since the loss of a loved one is amongst the most emotionally devastating experiences known to the human race.

Couples therapy offers an opportunity for couples to show compassion and caring towards one another, regardless of the outcome. At it’s best, it can be a way to improve understanding and communication, permitting relational growth in wonderfully empowering ways that may feel currently unobtainable. At the very least, it can significantly alter the amount of time it takes you to achieve this by yourselves, and time is the single most precious commodity that there is. You can always find ways to make more money, time is far more finite, when it’s gone, it’s gone.

Don’t wait until it’s too late for your relationship!